Guest writer: Genia

Do you know of a child who acts out? You know who I am talking about. That child who is defiant, annoying, aggressive, selfish, acts helpless or just plain mean. The kid who is always getting suspended or punished for one thing or another. The one who doesn't play well with others. Is this your child? Do you know of a parent who has this child? Do you coach or teach this child? Were you this child??! 

These are the children who trigger you. They get you frustrated. They make you wonder if you are a good parent. They make you question yourself. They refuse to fit into the mold you wish to shape them into... even if that mold means it will ensure their safety or wellbeing. Well, I can say (with incredible pride) that I was this child... and with just my luck (although my mother loves to call it karma), I was fortunate enough to bring a child like this into the world. I no longer call these kids "difficult children". These children are warriors. These children are our teachers. These children are going to change the world. 

These children are here to wake us up. They are here to show us just how outdated our societal "norms" are. Children are already powerful beings with their own feelings. We, as adults, have forgotten what it was like to be a child. Growing up in this world has clouded our vigor for life and practically erased our imagination and creativity. By the time adulthood creeps around, we learn to ignore our emotions because that was the best way to blend in. By the time we are adults, being true to ourselves is scary because of the possibility of getting someone upset or looking stupid. Well we weren't always this way. We were taught to be this way by society. We were taught to fear the consequences of being true to ourselves and our feelings. 

Fortunately, there are children in this world who refuse to let us forget who we were and these are the children I am talking about! These kids are fearless teachers who have come into our world to remind us to stop ignoring our feelings and to be who we want to be. They hate rules. They hate routine that does not make sense to them. They hate political correctness and see no point to it. They are brutally honest and respond to anything that tries to make them feel POWERLESS with a fierce abhorrence. This is why our punishments and discipline tactics for these children don't work. It's like adding fuel to the fire... They respond with even more contempt and leave us as their caretakers feeling more drained than ever. Which is why we call them the difficult ones. 

Sadly, these little warriors, if placed in combat for too long, will grow weary and submit to defeat. They become depressed. They are medicated. They drop out of school. They end up in group homes or jail or residential treatment centers because no one wants to deal with them anymore. They are defeated. These kids are not to be defeated. They are the good guys! They are here to change the world for the better. 

Instead of keeping our love and affection and acceptance from these kids, we need to understand these kids. THEY ARE NOT BAD CHILDREN. They are children who refuse to feel powerless. Don't you HATE to feel powerless? They hate it too. As children, in response to feeling powerless they act out. They are oppositional. They are mean. They are anxious or helpless or selfish or just plain noncompliant. They act out because being made to feel powerless is not a good feeling. Being made to feel powerless weakens them and goes against their purpose here. So stop making them feel powerless. Try to remember what it felt like to be so powerless. Understand their feelings and validate their feelings. And then help them help themselves. 

Gone are the days where "children are seen and not heard". Teachers will soon learn that they cannot teach every child the same... Kids are not robots. CHILDREN ARE MEANT TO PLAY, not sit in a damn classroom all day memorizing useless information in order to pass a test. So next time instead of punishing that difficult child, try showing that little warrior ways to navigate this world by empowering him (or her) with love and patience. Try to remember that they are teaching us to remember ourselves. They are showing us that the way in which we are raising our children needs to change. We need them. And they need us. 

 We would like to thank Genia for her contribution and look forward to her future work.